With The Pleasure Manual, Pamela Udoka tackles the quiet crises tearing homes backed by over 20 years of therapy experience and research.
A clinical psychologist, Pamela Udoka, has unveiled her new book ‘The Pleasure Manual’, a culturally relevant guide to intimacy and marriage sex life aimed at helping couples reconnect, rebuild desire, and heal fractured relationships.
The book launch, which coincided with the author’s husband’s birthday, Udoka, an associate professor, was held at Victoria Island on Thursday.
The book presentation, which was part of the writer’s wider mission to establish the Family Wellness Therapy Centre, drew heartfelt testimonies and strong endorsements from notable figures, including journalist and public commentator Reuben Abati.
Speaking about the inspiration behind the book, Mrs Udoka reflected on over two decades of clinical experience and groundbreaking research, which necessitated the discovery of the book.
“During the process of obtaining a Master of Philosophy degree in clinical psychology, I developed a vital conflict inventory for assessing marital conflict. It revealed the top three causes to be communication patterns, third-party interference, and sexual dissatisfaction.
“I went on to carry out an intervention to confirm the efficacy of therapy on these issues, and that research, coupled with my professional practice, earned me a Doctor of Philosophy in clinical psychology,” the Author said.
She also stressed that these issues were not isolated problems but recurring themes with deep emotional and societal consequences, adding that with over 20 years in clinical practice, she has seen again and again how these three factors, and others, including finance, are silently destroying homes.”
Marital Issues
“Between August 2023 and July 2025 at the Family Wellness Director Inquiry Office, we tracked inquiries as follows: 41 per cent of clients requested sex therapy services, while 16.9 per cent requested marital conflict resolution services. That means almost six out of ten clients were seeking help for intimacy and relationships,” the psychologist stated.
‘The Pleasure Manual’ writer also recounted the realities faced by many couples who are prone to risk to maintain long-lasting relationships and marriages.
She said, “I have seen couples in tears and pain. I have seen couples who love each other dearly, yet have not been intimate in years. And the truth is, it is never about sex; it is about self, identity, mindset, information, communication, safety, and love.
“When we ignore these values, the consequences are devastating. We see anxiety, depression, infidelity, separation, dysfunctional homes, divorces, and abandoned innocent and helpless children who did not bring themselves into this world, but were brought into it by the same secret and mysterious activity that we all pretend not to know about,” Mrs Udoka explained.
Additionally, she said ‘The Pleasure Manual’ was not written to sensationalise intimacy but to restore it to its rightful place in healthy relationships.
“I wrote ‘The Pleasure Manual’ not as bedroom gossip, but as a practical, shame-free, culturally relevant guide to help couples reconnect, rebuild desire, and heal,” she said.
The author continued, “Today’s event is not just a book launch, it is a movement. A movement towards building the Family Wellness Therapy Centre as a safe professional space where therapy is not a privilege for the few who can access it, but a lifeline for many. You are not just here to launch a book; you are here to fulfil silent prayers. You are here to build a legacy.”
Book Review
However, in his review, Mr Abati described ‘The Pleasure Manual’ as both a deeply human and expertly crafted work on sexual intimacy.
Mr Abati likened the book’s approach to classic guides in other fields and commended her insistence on mutual respect and shared consent in marriages.
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“In this book, Dr. Pamela Udoka provides a master class on the art of sexual intimacy. The step-by-step guidance she offers is reminiscent of similar instructional books on writing, cooking, or vision. Those who have experienced one form of complication or intimidation in this area should find the book relatable and easy to digest.
Mr Abati also urged the author to ensure the copies of the book, which is rated 18+, are kept out of reach of children and adolescents.
“The text deliberately emphasises the phrase ‘consenting hours’, which is a tantalising term in itself. It remains to be seen how this book, upon its appearance on bookshelves, can be kept out of the reach of inquisitive adolescents, who, these days, seem more active in the world of sexual intimacy than their grandparents ever were.
“There is no doubt, however, that this book treats a living subject and provides useful insights into how, overall, the quality of life in society can be improved,” Mr Abati said
The academic concluded with a strong endorsement of the book’s potential societal impact.
